Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Neighborhood HR Lady Comes to Town

Courtesy of my Neighborhood HR Lady Daughter from an actual Facebook thread (names hidden):

Today's advice from your neighborhood HR lady: if you have a phone interview with another company, and you can't take it during non-business hours or from your office, the company stairwell probably isn't your next best option.

Commentator #1: You heard me? I mean, what an idiot!!!

Neighborhood HR Lady: It  is like a total echo chamber in the stairwell. I just don't get it.

Commentator #2: Maybe they were just looking to add some natural reverb to their interview voice.

Dan VernerMaybe they were joining an a capella group. Some of them practice in stairwells!

Commentator #3: Is the next best option the toilet? I really need to know.

Commentator #4: I had somebody leave a business application and resume on a company network printer. And when I found it, and dropped it off on their desk, they claimed a privacy violation. (Which, btw, it isn't.)

#1: Of course they would claim that where you work. No one ever think *they* could be wrong.

Dan Verner: Bathrooms are good to sing in. Same principle.

Neighborhood HR Lady: I would argue that using autotune in one's car would produce the desired reverb AND allow for privacy. The next best options might include your vehicle, outside of the building (not by the entrance), booking a conference room, or going to Starbucks. Not the toilet.

Commentator #5: On our team folks just take the interview in the office they share with someone else :)

Neighborhood HR Lady: Well, you are in Quality Assurance. Maybe they just want their colleague to assure the quality of their interview? Okay, then, better options include a dive bar, a brothel, the emergency room waiting room, or the Cry Room of your local church.

Commentator #2: Where is this brothel you speak of? Er, so I can avoid it!!

Neighborhood HR Lady: Looks like you'll have to go 44 miles away and to another state to "avoid" said brothel. And actually, there is nothing more to this other than me politely asking the person to move so I could use the stairs for their intended purpose, which was to get to the free cheesecake on the 4th floor.

Commentator #6: Whoa. How do you get the emails about cheesecake on the 4th floor? Who do I need to ask?

Neighborhood HR Lady: I think one of the nurses told me actually.

Dan Verner: This is another classic thread, HR Lady. Will you be visting FB again soon with your magic  carpet bag, flying above the city with your little pink parasol while charming chimney sweeps sing and dance on the roofs, at the same time contracting odious diseases from unprotected exposure to coal dust?

Neighborhood HR Lady: Say wha’?

Dan Verner: Sorry, wrong story.

HR Lady will be back the next time someone commits an interesting crime against compliance.

Dan Verner: Neighborhood HR Lady, would you write a regular column? So many of us have pressing HR questions only you should answer. Example: should I use my new press pass for good or for evil?

Keep reading this space for the next time the Neighborhood HR Lady  comes to town And remember her motto: “I’ll send you the personal effects from your desk by courier when you are terminated for odd behavior.”

1 comment:

  1. Some FB threads are soap operas in their own right...Interesting writing assignment: take a FB thread and use it as a writing prompt. (Uh..I guess you already did.)